Anyone who knows me knows I don’t really like talking aloud about my feelings to other humans. Frankly, I don’t really like verbally speaking to other people but have no problem with digital communication or writing.
This is probably a big part of why traditional therapy didn’t work for me when I tried a few sessions in April 2017. It might be my unwillingness to speak about my emotions to a random stranger, or it could be that I’m not sure what to do on that couch – do I lay down, sit up, or what? I usually settled for an awkward lounge position.
Dr. M had recommended I begin it after he told me that I was now in remission. Though I knew that 2017 Justin wasn’t a fan of talking about his feelings, I still considered it. When pairing Dr. M’s advice with my previous and positive experience with Dr. S in 2006, so I decided to give it a whirl in 2017.
Yet, the circumstances were far different this time. I was trying to come to terms with the fact that I could have just died. I didn’t find therapy to be very helpful this time. Don’t get me wrong – my therapist was great and she gave me a lot of good advice. However, she had never experienced cancer first hand, let alone testicular cancer, which isn’t too surprising, considering she has even fewer testicles than me.
I was in therapy for a few weeks, but I never seemed to talk about cancer during sessions. The thing is, my downward spiral about cancer isn’t something I can talk about at a regularly scheduled time. It comes and goes as it pleases, announcing itself unexpectedly, much like the cancer did. We talked about the stresses at work mostly, but the therapist didn’t have many real answers for me since she was also dumbfounded by the various situations I was encountering.
I did give it the old college try, but after about two months, I told her I wouldn’t be returning for any more visits. I hadn’t moved on past my worries and anxieties, but all the therapy was doing was costing me money.
There had to be a better option.
image credit: pixabay
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